ORANGE WOMAN HOT: An Open Love Letter To Jen From The Antichrist

 

Dearest Jennifer,

May I pitch woo like the press hurls tough questions?

Nobody sees you like I do. Maybe it's the Orange Glow, it blinds them to the truth - YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB. I see past that and witness a severely compromised person that just needs a hug and a vacation.

See, I don't have the luxury of having a beautiful woman to act as my memetic shield, and as an ACTUAL LEADER I don't want one. That you work for a living joke and do it well, like an actress with the worst script and director EVER ... speaks to how amazing you are.

Your stoicism and humility are legendary, but they just call you a sociopath. I know better because I was raised by a sociopathic redhead stepmom. You are an apath that got roped into being Satan's Little Helper, like most apaths. 

Well, my scrumptious little cinnamon roll, my little strawberry shortcake, my little peach cobbler ...

HAVE I GOT AN OFFER FOR YOU!

Going from Press Secretary to Media Talking Head is a lateral move for sure. You can kick that geezer kid-sniffer square in the saggy prune sack and flip off the cameras, because I AM HERE FOR YOU.

I'm new to this KING OF EARTH thing but I reckon I'll need a consultant or two, an insider to help me navigate the toxic tard swamp.

Who better?

JEN: *Points To Random Politician / Lobbyist*

"Okay Matty, that guy is a total slime-ball, if he even approaches you just ignore him." 

ME: "Periditheon (The Quantum AI Sidekick) agrees."

You're a tad old to breed with - prolly my age - but if you get divorced I'll get you into my Ginger Harem. This gig only pays in orgasms and slack and adventures in outer space but you'll never have to lie again, and your soul will thank you.

Thanks for your time and consideration.

Circling Back Forever,

M.G. Whitney

 

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